Feb. 13, 2003 - 21:19 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Heart And Soul

Amid the furor of a country preparing to go to war and those of us slated to remain, out buying Duct tape and plastic sheeting we all are here -- Valentine's Day eve. It is a bit grim to even think about, yet I am driven to do so, even though probably talking to myself.

I guess it was luck that a woman who wanted to be a mother bore this kid. I learned a bit about love then. At that age love was something that emanated from Mom, one way it seemed to be.

There was a spark there that lit a small fire in my heart showing me that love is a two way thing. My very being swelled and thrilled when first love came from me towards Mom. A little further along another discovery was made by me, the man I respected, relied on and was somewhat frightened of, that love was in me for him too.

There was neither brother or sister in our house. Cousins, well they were just cousins and I liked to be with them and play with them and in an overall sense be with them when visits were exchanged. Thoughts of love for them never entered my mind at that age. I was still digesting the fact of having love for Mom and Dad.

It was in the last half of my first grade in school, I was smitten by a sweet lady in my class, a gentle soul and far above me it seemed. She was kind and polite but we never sought to be together in games or anything like that. Valentine's day was near and our teacher got out the paste and construction paper and taught us a bit about making valentines. Along with that she taught us a bit about love, one for another and the joy it brings. My first labor of love was to make as nice a valentine for my Mom as I could. Then a great deal of time was spent on making a super valentine for Ann, the lady I was sure I loved. It was about that time that it dawned on me that a person could love more than family, that it could expand the amount desired.

Its beside the point whether Ann and I got together, we walked home from school together often. She lived in the next block from me. Eventually her brothers decided that we should not go together and they were a lot bigger than I. First grade it started already.

Romance was not a thing avidly sought by me and it touched me lightly, knowing that it was possible to love others than my parents left me open to having feelings for another. Love rode shotgun with me, the two of us together as I stumbled along.

In high school I was truly smitten with a young lady and it was hard to think of anything else but caring for her. It was ill fated, but enabled me to grow a little and accept certain facts of life. One was that love could be evanescent, sparkling, throbbing one minute and in a second there no longer.

All this in preparation for giving my love to lady Heather, a person to be loved to the utmost. Sweet, shy, and she demonstrated that she loved the kids she took care of and was of course capable of loving kids she might have. We fell in love, fall ? No it seems that love grew in ourselves for each other.

Of course love for each of our children shot up like a weed in my heart, and grew. Later on I realized that I do love my cousins, and the few relatives living that I ever was around.

Thinking back to the two times that I did the blood brother bit with someone I realized that friendships like that were something rare and special to have. That they were the innocent loves one boy has for another. I was lucky.

Love of our town, state and country sprouted and grew. There are so many forms of love that I think it was something to grow into to realize some of them. We joined a church, I walked the aisle and was baptized. Learning more as I went, our pastor focused on Agape love and comprehension of just what that is made my psyche complete.

In the process of growing love became that many splendored thing to me. It can expand to encompass the whole world for any of us I think, in spite of the cruelties of some of the people we know.

I dislike the crass commercialism of Valentine's Day here. And I feel that life should be more, "Acts Of Love," than just presents once a year. It is so easy for the Macho Guy to drop by the flower shop and pick up an arrangement of roses with fancy vase for a hundred dollars or more, or buy a piece of jewelry expensive though it may be, they just say in essence, "Here baby, I did my Valentines duty, when do we eat ?" Acts of love can be seen in the day to day dealings between caring folks. A pat, a hug, a kiss, doing something for another unasked. There are so many ways that love can be demonstrated. Then once a year when the day is here maybe a token gift and a dinner out is all that is needed maybe.

If it weren't for love of one kind or another none of us would have ever grown up to be adults. Lack of love I think is shown by the gang activities and other forms of rebellion. Could it be that these folks do not experience love at home and are seeking to become a member of some kind of family who loves them in some weird way or another striving for acceptance ?

Love can be a treasure in itself and the feeling is in me that it must be love with Heart And Soul . . . . . . . .

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