Jun. 05, 2002 - 21:21 MDT

THE WONDERING JEW

Eternal Question

The world was an incomprehesible thing when I was very young. When I learned what a puzzle was, I knew that life and the world was truly my big puzzle. I am still a bit puzzled yet.

Then, on the verge of life I desperately wanted to know 'How' things worked. I knew up from down and outside from inside. I knew the difference between hot and cold by hurtful experience.

It was hard to try to learn the structure and routine of daily life according to rules set by grown ups. In discussions with Mom and or Dad or both, there would eventually come a dead end when I would sincerely ask the question that would bring the show near to a dead halt. "Why ?," the conversation/debate would finally reach a point that my parents would say, "Well that is just the way it is."

Other than my inborn realization that there is God my feeble little mind figured that there just had to be answers to my, "Why's ?" Later on down the road a bit the answers would be on the order of, "Because I say so, that's why !"

Much later through the big Webster on a pedestal in the library at school I did learn a lot by looking at the etymology of words, but it didn't help me in grammar though. In school I had no problems with learning things as long as there were reasonable answers to my, "Why ?" Basic math came easily to me. I could lay out buttons, marbles, pennies or whatever and do hands on calculations of adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing by moving the counters to the appropriate places and then counting the result. Later I had problems with math and my, "Why ?" questions. English grammar has always been a problem with me and my, "Why ?" questions would be answered to the effect, "It has been ever thus and will be forever." Math later went beyond my ability to use counters and do the problems physically and my questions were met with similar answers.

One of my stumbling blocks in school was missing the entire fourth grade due to illness and being put in the next grade along with my classmates because my teacher and parents felt that I would catch on and go with my classmates.

Being an avid reader very early on in my life taught me English somewhat like osmosis. I could spell like a whiz, had correct usage and though Mom and Dad I had skill in correct pronunciation. Grammar might as well have been taught in Greek to me. I know what a verb is and a noun and don't have the foggiest idea of how to parse a sentence. I am sure that it would be to my benefit to be able to do so.

Early on I had trouble learning how to do math problems on paper even though I could do them in my head. Math I finally got on top of in Tech School in my 55th year. Haven't had the need to do other than the original things I learned with counters and also percentages. So, with my calculator, day to day existence is easy for me. The rest of it goes by the principle of 'Use it or lose it.'

So, I am still wondering about the 'whys' of today's life. Why is the unrelenting centuries of fighting still going on between people ? Agreeing to live in peace and negotiate little by little would be so much more profitable. Why are people cruel to children ? To each other ? Why does greed seem to rule so many of us ? What makes some people feel they are so much better than he rest of us ?

Well, to me still, "Why ?" is still my Eternal Question.

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