Feb. 12, 2002 - 18:48 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Of What ?

I get in line at the counter and when my turn comes I ask for, "Coffee, Regular With Cream."

The world comes to a screeching halt. A simple order for plain coffee with cream seems to put the hired help in a fugue or on a mental hiatus, something of that order.

Lips go in soundless motion, then stop. A weird expression crosses the wait person's face. I almost feel that I will be told, "We don't have that here." Then after thought the person realizes I guess that they do have the basic ingredients for Coffee, Regular With Cream.

Every place they seem as if acting under duress and I wait as they drag their feet filling my order, getting this clod a plain Ol' Cuppa Joe, I look up at the backwall and see a coffee menu occupying the approximate square footage of a small house. I seem to see every variety and variation on coffee from Espresso on down to coffee ice cream. Then on each item it shows, Small, Medium, Large and Elephant Choker - cost increasing rapidly as the size goes up, also the items on the top of the list also cost more, hugely much more. I look at the items on the list and other than Coffee, Regular With Cream, I see that a large anything else would buy coffee from a cafe for everybody in an office. Of course all the variations are delicious to most anybody and most everybody has their favorite. Having splurged a time or two while in a fit of frustration I can see a bunch of stuff that would please my palate. My very favorite item is Mocha, Large, accompanied by two biscotti. Usually not having the time to put in for a loan and wait to sign the papers for that order, I get, Coffee, Regular, With Cream.

They have a method in their madness I guess. Once I entered a line of people, me being about the tenth back and was able to hear what each person ordered. There were orders put in for fifteen cups of coffee, I swear that each cup was quite different from every other cup ordered. As usual the person who orders the largest and fanciest cup gives a list of special things to add to and accompany that blooming Belly Bulger.

I have in our fridge a plastic, squeeze bottle of chocolate syrup and I put a full tablespoon (or more) in the bottom of the cup, add hot strong coffee and a little heated two percent milk, voila ! Poor Man's Mocha.

I guess like in all things you pay for what you get . . . and get what you pay for, no? Seems as if we are a nation of picky, picky people with money in our pockets to spend on anything desired.

But it does sorta burn my nanny when the guy on the the other side of the counter gets that expression on his face when I order which says, "cup Of What ?" . . . . . . . . . .

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