August 24, 2001 - 19:59 MDT

THE WONDERING JEW

There Go I

I have a friend, my age, who has lived an active life, was busy all the time and engaged in many service activities through his adulthood. His dear wife kept all the family books, paid the bills, wrote the checks and kept the important papers in order and filed.

Suddenly she was taken. He is now alone after 54 years of married life. One of his two kids lives about a state away - half of his state and half of hers. She works everyday and can't get away from her job too long. She was in town over a week during her Mother's illness and to be with her Dad, go to the funeral and attend to the things she could. His son is a busy guy, he took off work during his Mother's last illness and funeral, then business took him away.

My friend went into hospital right after her funeral, with pneumonia. He has been on a pacemaker for years and is a diabetic.

His daughter came back down for about a week for and helped get his household straightened up, dispose of her Mom's clothes, etc. and then had to go back to work.

Heather and I have been visiting him about twice a week or more. He is doing okay, cooking his own stuff and eating out too. He is in the center of most everything, a stone's throw from about six different eating houses and the same for a Walmart, the supermarket he goes to for his prescriptions and food items is less than five minutes away and he has no trouble driving and makes it to his doctors appointments as well.

Everything seemed to be going well for him, as well as can be expected for a man who has lost his mate recently anyhow. To me it seemed as if his mind didn't really want to do much about coping with the world. On our last visit he was talking to Heather about his confusion with paying bills, writing checks and reconciling his account. During his period of grief he had written several checks and can't remember how much or who to, doesn't recall writing any big checks. His check register is all messed up and his checks do not have the carbon tissue for each check like Heather's and mine. Heather and I spent over half a day today helping him get squared away and letting him know that we are here for him whenever he needs help.

Of course this has made us think about our affairs and has given us the incentive to inform each other about things known only to one of us, also to clue our kids in.

I would definitely be in a great mess if Heather would be taken, but not nearly as bad as he is. I know the bills and have been paying many of them out of my Social Security and pension. There are some things she is going to need to tell and show me and vice versa. For one thing the financial and personal affairs of our daughter who lives in an assisted living home, her medicaid and where her records are.

We will help him however and whenever we can, trying to just be helpful in a calm, rational way until he becomes accustomed to taking care of his own business. I expect that is about all we can do, is to help around the edges.

I look at my friend, my brother-in-law and grieve over the death of his wife too, while thinking, "But for the grace of God, There Go I" . . . . . . .

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