August 23, 2001 - 22:59

THE WONDERING JEW

Happy Job

I never knew that about ten years in a power plant would fit me for a testers job. But first as a Water Analyst and then as an Instrument Mechanic the knowledge I gained on pressures, temperatures, flow, controls, operating mechanisms and above all the precise and rigid way of thinking is what got me in.

The job I applied for was assembly work. But after taking their test I was put in the test lab.

The test lab did all kinds of testing. pressure to failure, torque to failure, stretching and compression to failure, x number of operations successfully done, sand and and dust, high temperature, low temperature, successful operation of ballistically operated mechanisms. Even salt spray testing as well as vibration testing.

I was very happy to begin with as I was in a group of people, low on the totem pole but high in knowledge, many of them who had followed aircraft type work across the country and back.

One test object I remember well was a titanium bottle which stowed behind the crew members seat. It had to be pressured to 5,000 psi - made to function if the main ballistic mechanism failed to close the capsule.

The criteria amongst other things was that the bottle had to withstand small arms fire. Hairy stuff, a bottle about 14 inches long and 10 inches in diameter at 5,000 psi could make a hell of a mess if hit by small arms fire.

So the test engineer and I built a fixture of heavy I beams connected by fish plates which contained the bottle in a fixed position, and on the other side of the fixture was mounted a Propellex (I think it was called) ballistic thruster designed by the manufacturer to move only a certain distance. A machined head was screwed on to the thrust end with the tip of it pointed and then shaped to the specified diameter of what the government thought would be small arms slugs. From that it beveled to a larger diameter and was threaded to fit on the thruster.

The engineer and I took all precautions to make sure the components were in the exact position for the thruster to puncture the bottle with the small diameter shape.

Having it all set up, we placed the rig outdoors in a lean to metal shed with a window to observe tests in progress from inside. Everything being set up as per Hoyle, we went inside and initiated the test.

Holy catfish, the damn thing blew up, twisted the I beams and brought people from all over the building to see what had happened.

Assuming that there had been a mistake somewhere along the line, we built another fixture, set up another bottle and thruster and had the inspector check it out for accuracy of set up.

There had been two bunkers built in the side of a small hill out back of the big building and management decided the test would be initiated from one bunker and fired in the other one.

With great care and precision we made the set up, with people well out of danger to warn others from the area. Kablooie, shrapnel city. Another test failure. Consternation among the higher ups doing the, "When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout," drill.

The next day the same engineer I had been working with checked out another thruster, we mounted it, measured the length from base to tip. Then we fired it, the thruster overtraveled which would have put the the largest diameter of the head into the bottle and caused it to blow up. We tested several of the thrusters and the overtravel was the same.

So, once again into the fray, another I beam fixture, another bottle, a thruster positioned so that only the small diameter small arms part would enter the bottle. Voila, a successful test.

Through the eleven years I worked there off and on, always in the test lab, the testing was super interesting to me and the mechanics of working close to the test engineer enabled me to learn a lot. Later on one interesting test was in stretching perlon rope to breaking point. Perlon rope is also used by mountain climbers. It has a peculiar quality in that it will stretch quite aways. For the purpose we used it for that stretchability served as a shock absorber between the rocket and the crew member being extracted from the aircraft. I watched the test and was amazed to see how far the perlon stretched before it parted. Funny thing to me, the broken ends were fused.

It was a happy job for me among people who became family, we worked together even the boss would shed his coat and tie and pitch in when needed. After work on Friday most of us would go to this one nearby tavern. Even the non-drinkers would have a coke and participate in the bull session. Everybody else drank the amount they wished. Some would have a beer, maybe two and head on home, some ate dinner and kept drinking, Heather would come pick me up after she got off her job, some stayed and would tie one on. One character would be there when they closed up and he would be gently set outside to wait for his ride to come for him.

There was much work, much glee, quite a bit of danger to an unwary worker and we worked as a very happy team family.

Once when I was working days, just before we went off duty I told the parts chaser that we needed something for the big shaker, which was a Rube Goldberg machine of an esoteric type which used among other things electron tubes in its circuitry. I told him, "Say Bob they need two new tubes for the shaker and we just couldn't find them today, but we know we have some back in material control, so when you have a chance tonight maybe you can get the guy back there to let you in to hunt for them. The boxes are plainly marked, so look for a tube box marked, "Fallopian Tubes," we need a matched pair and they are usually in one package." That poor dude rummaged back in materials getting hot, sweaty and covered in grime when the man in charge of material control found him still back there and asked him what he was looking for. When Bob told him what he was trying to find, the man in material control chuckled and said, "Well you better check the dictionary in your bosses office so that you will know what you're looking for." He was still trying to find a way to get back at me, clear up until the time we got laid off at contract completion.

Then there was the time the pigs got loose in the plant, due to a nosy design engineer opening a door he had no business opening. Maybe another time I will go into the zoology of testing.

I was sent to observe testing of pieces too large for our equipment to test, did three tours overseas in Southeast Asia from the test lab as a tech rep and spent some time on their remote test track.

For me, fat dumb and sloppy, I enjoyed it to the utmost degree. It was one Happy Job . . . . . .

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