2001-05-02 - 16:45 M DST

THE WONDERING JEW

Missing

My writing recounting the trainwreck of my life did not include the most important part of the whole history. It only told of my misery.

In AA work it was made clear to me that I could do nothing to stop drinking on my own, white knuckled, gritted teeth determination -- Bah ! Antabuse Pah ! If I could have stopped drinking I would have stopped long before my bottom was reached.(a few can go that route).

The need to seek a higher power to aid in the accomplishment of sobriety was emphasized, over and over. One man said to me, "You have to have a higher power." I think it is in the Big Book that one man was told, "The Higher Power could be defined by you as that yonder doorknob if you wish -- but you must find one and have faith."

This backslid Baptist here began the journey back to faith with the rememberance of, "Wherever three gather in my name, there am I," and feeling that there were at least three of my belief at any AA meeting, the strength of belief came back to me once more. Different backgrounds and beliefs may not accept my higher power, but can find their own to trust and have faith therein.

Mono-polar or bi-polar the depressive cycle makes life very hard at times. Depression seems to be affected by the maelstrom of the Psyche's squirming Jet Stream making that cave of bone which rides on top of the body an echo chamber of despair. One year after attaining sobriety, my underground depression became clinical - - - but that is another ball game and another chapter.

For sobriety I found out what was Missing . . . . . .

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