2001-04-13 - 18:37 M DST

THE WONDERING JEW

Learning Babies

I lagged behind others in social skills, being an only child. In our sex ed. (Kid teachers) I knew a bit about babies and their generation. So, I wasn't totally ignorant, but nearly so.

The two older girl cousins married and moved out of state, became pregnant and came back to town to visit with their armfuls of small humans, sweet little things made for loving and attention from family. So, I never got a close look at a pregnant woman, nor did I have the thrill of feeling new life stirring in its Mother's abdomen. A vague understanding of diapers, spit up and crying was in my head, I saw little of it though. The women of the family would whisk a baby away quickly at the first sign or smell of normal babyhood.

A callow twenty two year old rookie husband and prospective father stood on the threshold of life's miracles.

It started with a phone call from Heather's lady mentor saying, "I just found out those suppositories for birth control that I suggested you use don't work." It wasn't too much of a surprise to Heather I guess, she had already figured it out from what her body was telling her. So the two women gave birth about the same time.

Then I had the joy of seeing Heather open up from a bud of a teenager to the full rose in bloom of a mother to be. She was magnificent. She had seen a lot more of life than I had yet, and feared not.

How could I tell some man who hasn't been a father the joy of sleeping spoon fashion with his upside arm over his wifes abdomen with his hand resting on her tummy and feeling the stirring of a baby -- IN THERE ! I think that if you haven't been there you couldn't understand what I am talking about. I don't even think a pregnant sister in the house whose tummy could be used to feel the life inside was as much education as was needed for later fatherhood.

Happily I spent nine months realizing that a little baby would be born unto us. A baby that I had the duty to provide for, a baby who I could love wholeheartedly and help raise.

Heather's pregnancy was fairly easy compared to other mothers she was acquainted with who had these horrendous "war" stories of the unique, difficult, birthing of their child.

At the time when winter came, we bought a, I don't know what they called it then -- or what they would call it now. It was faux fur though and purchased in a size to accomodate the passenger in hiding. I called Heather "Wooly Bear."

We would take walks at a sensible speed for a distance suitable for her and would turn back when she said. Constantly the impending enlargement of our family and how we would handle the responsibilities soon to come was a constant source of talk and conferencing between us Heather had a head start of course as she had been a baby sitter for quite some time before we met and knew the diaper changing procedure, including the unpleasant parts of that thing and the bottle feeding. I had yet a lot to learn.

There was the accumulation of baby things, the shower and so forth. Much running around by the women while I worked. Heather's dad was originally a farm boy long enough to learn how to do everything. He had accumulated scrap lumber which he used to make a chest of drawers for the baby yet to come. Various appurtenances began to show up, none of which I could begin to figure out their projected use by myself, so was led by Heather through their uses, Gee, what complications seemed to arise in my mind on their use. I was of course soon clued in and told what my duties would be.

Heather was in luck with being able to go to the same gynecologist/pediatrician that her older sister went to. He was a good one too. Recently we saw in the obits where he had passed away at a ripe old age. I remember the first time I accompanied Heather to him for a check up on the baby. Doctor got him undressed and removed the diaper. Like a fire hose the boy doused the doctor's tie. I was mortified, red in the face and stammering something in the way of apology when the doctor said something like, "Its okay, it happens all the time." He opened a cabinet, put his wet tie in a bin and took out a new one.

Heather's dad took us to the hospital when the time came, dropped us off out front and went home. I had my first experience with hospital admissions and all the associated moves involved. She was taken away from me, over my objections. Husbands were not allowed further. There were other men in the waiting room, smoking and trying to read as I did. I saw the words on the page, but my mind and heart were with Heather.

A number of hours later (short time in the eyes of the men who came in before me and were still waiting) but a hell of a lot longer than my nerves wanted to jitter about. The doctor came out and told me that I was the father of a very healthy baby boy. Joy and exultation were the order of the day for me. I had to wait for quite a while, finally our baby had been subjected to the usual cleaning up, weighing etc., put in a nursery bassinet and in front of the nursery window so that I could see him. His appearance was about the same as any newborn child, I learned later. A bit startling to me even though I had been told what to expect.

In that era, a mother stayed in bed for ten days, being escorted gingerly to the nursery by a nurse so that she could hear the gurgles and baby talk from grams, gramps and dad while they wiggled their fingers and though that the baby could understand every wiggle and wave. The stay was short though and the nurse took her back to her room. While she was there I had sweet talked the nurses and could come see her, coming up a back stairway to her floor. Even so, after while a nurse would come and tell me it was time for me to leave.

After Heather's ten days were up, weak as a puppy from laying ten days in bed, we were allowed to bring the baby home. For a week or so we were in intensive training in the care of new babies. I soon learned that spit up did not dissolve my shirt or burn my skin and that diaper residue didn't make me vomit. The rinsing of a diaper in a flushing toilet was learned soon, as well as cuddling, talking gently, burping and marveling at the new life - one that came from Heather and me and I enjoyed every wonderful moment.

I never was much help on the middle of the night feeding and diapering, and seeing that I had to work Heather maintained her calm and sweet way of facing life and doing what was needed.

Gradually I progressed in the grand part of life, Learning Babies . . . . . . .

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