2001-04-12 - 21:22 M DST

THE WONDERING JEW

Dry Well

I guess being a victim of the bipolar disorder is much like yesterday and today has been for me, in a way.

A huge part of yesterday's euphoric birthday celebration came to almost a complete halt when I heard about Sandy's loss. From the peak to the abyss.

Somehow, when someone is hurting bad and there are no words to even come close to helping make things better for another -- this man realizes just how inconsequential he is.

I have long passed the years where Daddy, Uncle, Grampa, Brother or whoever can magically make things all better with a hug, kind words and just listening to the other person. Its a bleedin' shame, it is.

Each one of us I guess reacts to bad news differently, in their own way. I'm oh, so familiar with, "One day at a time." I white knuckled that day by day a long time, that was the frail craft on my stormy sea that by a miracle did not capsize. There are times now that I live by that slogan

I also know that this feeling will soon pass from me and life will go on its merry way, with me tagging along, grimly holding onto the tail of the racing horse of peace and contentment as my toes strike sparks from the pavement. But for the one I speak of, that will not be accomplished soon. I grieve for her.

Tonight I can think of nothing to rave about, rant about, make funny about and memories take me back to the loss of my mother many years ago. That is grief I do not want to revisit. She lives in my memory as the vibrant soul she was. Someday, Jason will exist in Sandy's memory as a living breathing being, if God so wills it. And I pray the diety notices and helps her to peace.

We love you Sandy !

I thirst, but have arrived to a Dry Well . . . . . .

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