2001-04-06 - 14:00 MDST 4/7/01

THE WONDERING JEW

MOS

Cruelty. More Of Same, it is a never ending medly of sadism, and whatever a warped mind can throw into the witches brew to accomplish soul destruction.

Probably just as well that Webtv was down for almost twenty four hours. It gave me a chance to regain a bit of cool.

But the news never stops, revealing more of this tragic "rebirthing" thing that killed a little girl. I think is a devestating thing to most people who will stop a bit and think about the matter.

As I read the news articles, especially after the video/audio part was made public, I became in my mind that rebellious kid who suffered the trauma of not having the home and love she needed to live a full, peaceful life.

Even as a child I recognized that I desperately needed a loving family and the security and continuity of home. I would have been rebellious myself if placed in a strange environment with strange authority figures suddenly, in place of known people.

I can see how the difficulties in communication might have led to friction to the max between the girl and the adoptive parent. I can also see a frantic woman who is trying to do her best to give the child a loving environment, seeking outside help.

But, oh My God, what that child was put through was probably a worse death than the Nazi gas chambers -- at least death was swift in the gas haus. With the little girl I think I read that it was near an hour that she was thus tormented.

I sit here sensing what her feelings were during that last time. Feeling that unloving people were torturing me and wouldn't listen to my pleas for breath.

As a small boy, I remember the dog piles with me near the bottom with enough weight on top of me that I couldn't breathe. I remember the frantic efforts and almost a madman's strength that came over me to fight my way to air. But to be put in her position, without her complete understanding and then being subjected to the so called "tough love," and, "go ahead and die" comments -- the laughing and joking," by the adults as that poor child slowly was forcibly suffocated.

I also remember being teased by larger boys and being physically held tightly, struggling to get away, panic stricken. Also I remember that cruel teasing included unkind and vicious talk to me.

There must come a time when an insufficient amount of oxygen does terrible things to the psyche of a person, especially when this procedure is being inflicted on one by people who are thought to have one's welfare in mind.

I am a parent, one who coped with unemployment from time to time, and at other times earning not quite sufficent to have dessert on the table. Supper was supper and that was what was cooked and served. If a child expressed a eeeeww about some portion all I would ask was that they taste it, if not liked by the child then it was not required for that to be eaten. There were no goodies available, no thing that Heather could cook up in a hurry to cater to one or another of the kids. Also to do that, the next days main meal would be short.

But they were not chastised, sent to bed or subjected to nasty remarks. So like all people who have the urge to survive, each child would eat as much as they could to satisfy their hunger from what was served on the table. And they never complained, I think they pretty well understood our circumstances. We never tried to make out that life was all peaches and cream, they knew when I was looking for work and they saw the effort Heather made to give the best she could, made from what there was.

I have been ambivalent about this "de-programming that people are put through after they are kidnapped from a cult (by LOVING relatives," I know what this deceitful man would have done -- pretended to follow their procedure and appear to have reacted to their actions as they wanted . . . . . just long enough to get out from under their thumb and get away to freedom.

I have never understood oppression, tshere is no use to it other than to satisfy the whim of a stronger power.

So, there I lay wrapped in layers of cloth, sofa pillows on top of that with grown ups leaning on that confining me to an unbearable, claustrophobic panic, being hurt by the unkind comments, struggling to breathe, pleading for life and precious air - - - - - and not being mercifully answered.

Sad to say, things like this happen the world over, kids die because of some stupid line of thought makes an adult, a professional or an orgnization think they are doing something right . . . but it usually in one way or another ends up, More Of Same . . . . .

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