Feb. 11, 2007 - 20:48 MST

FLETCHER ON THE WRY

Which I think is an apt description of one of Ed Quillien's lines of thinking. (fletcher = one who makes arrows). And he makes and shoots some pretty good ones. Ed Quillen a columnist for The Denver Post has this bit of wry humor in today's paper. Quoted here in full:

GIVE WAR A CHANCE

"When I finally got through to my favorite inside source, Ananias Ziegler, the media relations director for the Committee That Really Runs America, he did not exchange the usual pleasantries. Instead, he said, "Listen to thes, then tell me what you think."

"A bouncy guitar riff extended across a couple of bars, then the plaintive voice::

"Everybody's talking 'bout surges and urges, purges and dirges." Several voices joined in. "All we are saying, is give war a chance."

"Ziegler came back on. "Catchy, isn't it ?"

"Like a cold," I agreed. "I gather you'll be using it in a public relations campaign to promote the president's plan to increase troop levels in Iraq ?"

"Ziegler agreed. "It's time we started using American popular culture to advance American military goals," he said."

"But isn't somebody going to ask questions ?" I wondered aloud. "For instance , there were about 160,000 American military personnel in Iraq in February of 2005. Now it's about 132,000. So the surge of 21,500 would bring us back to where we were two years ago, and if that wasn't enough to quell the insurgency then, why would it be enough now ?"

"No, people won't ask questions," Ziegler said. "At least not in the U.S. Senate, where we've managed to prevent debate."

"Didn't that come from the same people who wanted debates and up-or-down votes on judicial nominees ?" I asked."

"Consistency is the virtue of a clock," Ziegler said. "But there are other good reasons to avoid a full Senate discussion."

"I should think so," I agreed. "But trying to follow a discussion about a debate concerning a non-binding resolution -- that's one reason so many Americans hate politics. All this procedural stuff is so complicated."

"I'll grant you that," Ziegler conceded. "But it serves two vital purposes. For one thing, if the Senate's reputation is diminished by this, then it's in control of the wrong people anyway, and their standing will fall. That certainly helps us at the Committee. And the focus on Iraq means that people will miss the clues about taking on Iran."

"Iran ?" I spluttered. "Aren't Iraq and Afghanistan enough ?"

"Ziegler sounded calm. "But Iran could be supplying the training that has been bringing down our helicopters in Iraq. Iran has a nuclear program. It's part of the Axis of Evil."

"I mused a moment. "So it should be possible for the Committee to contrive an event that will justify movement against Iran from our bases in the stable, independent, democratic republic of Iraq ?" I asked."

"Ziegler chuckled. "Something like that. And meanwhile, the Senate will keep the focus elsewhere. You know, the stage magician's old trick of misdirection."

"I know that trick, so I moved on. And meanwhile, we're spending something like $7 billion a month in Iraq, and the federal debt keeps growing."

"Have faith," Ziegler said. "The president says we'll have a balanced budget by 2012."

"But we were running a surplus when he came into office. In two years, he'll be leaving this mess for another administration. Meanwhile, he wants to cut programs that help Americans, like Medicare and Medicaid, Head Start, LEAP."

"Ziegler interrupted me, "Quillen, I have to question your patriotism. Where did you ever get the silly idea that American tax money should be used for Americans ?"

"Before I could explain that it just sounded like common sense, he excused himself, as he had a meeting scheduled to go over the other verses to "Give War A Chance."

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Ed Quillen of Salida ([email protected]) is a former newspaper editor whose column appears Tuesday and Saturday in the The Denver Post. For a man who lives on the Western Slope of Colorado I think he has big city expertise and understanding.

Thing that worries me, hee, hee, is that often he makes a hell of a lot more sense than the Homeland Impurity folks do.

Perhaps Mr. Quillen should be head of the Committee That Really Runs America. Then perhaps he could encourage those good ol' boys to get with a decent program.

Do go on Mr. Quillen and be our FLETCHER ON THE WRY . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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