Dec. 23, 2006 - 17:43 MST

IT IS REQUIRED

It is a major part of my life and welfare, one that I cannot do without, ever, ever. Laughter, chuckles, cackles and just plain old haw - haws. There is a columnist that has a column in our paper as well as many others, by name of W. Bruce Cameron, whose taste in humor is similar to mine. In today's The Rocky Mountain News his column (in part) is titled Give them gifts they'll be stuck with forever

Items of revenge perhaps ? I don't know, but they hit my funny bone a whack.

## "Octodog: What every kitchen needs -- a tool for turning a hot dog into what looks like an octopus. If an octopus were made from beef byproducts. Meat tentacles drip from the "head," which has eye holes torn in it."

## "Pedestrian turn signals: Who hasn't had a walking collision on the sidewalk especially during the busy post-holiday "Let's exchange all the gifts we got except these stupid ones from Dad" shopping season. My daughters, both of whom have been responsible for sending my car to what I call "the battered-automobile shelter." will be thrilled to receive these eyeglasses, which are outfitted with blinking lights in the rear so that people behind them will be able to see where my kids are planning to go."

Bruce's children, "have mastered the gracious fall-over-with-a-groan method of receiving my stupid gifts. They always leave happy, though, secure in the knowledge that no matter how idiotic my presents are, they managed to hide them in my bathroom. I usually find them and give them again next year. Stupid gifts just keep on giving."

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Guess I should give it up there, I gunna get a whippin' if I don't - - - - heh, I gunna doot anyhow. Bruce's one gift takes first prize for stupidity, bad taste and pure wackiness. I am going to get in touch with him and see where I can buy at least one.

## "Dog-poop calendar: "My older daughter has made it her life's mission to help pet-rescue agencies, so it's only fitting that she receive this beautifully shot rendition of 12 months' worth of dog doo. Each month brings a meticulously photographed pile in a festive seasonal portrait."

But the copies I buy will be sans odor -- the pictures will be enough.

I have gone into a frenzy of invention of my own and by next season there will be some "stupid gifts" of my own on the market, I hope.

The recipients might not laugh, but my warped "The Shadow Knows" laugh would make a good accompaniment, because surely I'll get a bang out of it, whether anyone else does or not.

Seasonal good humor, jollity and laughter, all I can say, for me . . . . . IT IS REQUIRED . . . . . . . . . .

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