2001-02-14 - 20:34 MST

February 14 2001

Look-about

Today was a day well spent I think. Back is pretty well cooled down and livable this morning and pretty much stayed okay through the day.

How did I spend my day ?

Reading and thinking. Reading and thinking about the different aspects of Valentine's day, and by relationship most any meaningful holiday. Because most any holiday is a reflection and display of Agape love, to say the least.

Each of us seem to have just a bit different slant on everything, including love. Some of us are once bitten and damn bitter and some of us are willing to trust again, cautiously.

Maybe the ones I can't understand are the ones who want love but are unwilling to give love -- that truly blows what little mind I have, leaves me standing google eyed and dizzy.

Each person I think, at least the ones worth caring for, has a corner, a smooth spot, which when buffed carefully shows the shimmering, simmering, whole hearted love that exists in that person.

Love exists in many forms, small acts and stupendous acts, but it still is love.

Love is someone taking care of and nursing someone who will never be well again and will require much attention -- love is doing that without expecting compensation or praise -- done because one loves another.

Love is a person bringing a throw or shawl and draping it over a loved ones shoulder so that they won't chill while napping.

The fiercest longest lasting love I believe is that of a mother for her child and - or children. For the most part an unquenchable, blindingly bright love.

Today as well as thinking, I read many journal entries. Most of them by women, they seem in the majority. All the degrees of love imaginable were exhibited, unashamedly but rather shyly it seemed to me.

One great example in the present day is the love between Kaycee Nicole and her Mother Debbie. What an inspiration those two are. . . . . pure unadulterated love one for the other . . . . with enough to pass around for everybody.

I have been sick enough and injured enough a time or two to be able to truly admire Kaycee's spirit and cheer, I tried, but there was no way that I could be like her. On the flip side, as well as loving and caring for our kids, there is one who needs more. Our oldest daughter was in hospital for over a year, only recovering enough to be taken to a custodial care nursing home--where she spent a number of years until room was found for her in an assisted living environment where she is happy. But that year - - - she was so badly hurt that one night our oldest boy and I were having coffee and a snack and talking with each other. I said, "Son, I do not know whether to pray for her to live or to go to God now." He, with the deepest religious conviction of the whole family after thinking a short while said something to the effect, "Dad, let us just leave that up to God, and do what we can, when we can." So I guess I have a better idea of how it is for Kaycee's Mom, trying to see that the two younger siblings get what they need while Debbie practically lives at Kaycee's hospital.

Another place that love shines through with a brilliance outstanding is in the case of a family we know who love deeply a son who is a Downs syndrome person, born that way. He has been a valued and important person in that family and has been given the leeway to do what he can to help when he can. He is in his thirties now, one of the nicest people I have ever known. He has been surrounded with love by all the in-laws and out-laws of his family.

Maybe I have a glimmering of how it is for Kaycee and her Mom, just enough to have an idea of how deep their love is for each other.

Sons taking care of Mothers who need help, single Mothers taking care of, loving and raising children, Mothers whose man has disappeared. They don't seem to have time to rail at fate or curse that bum, they are too busy trying to do the best they can at being both Mother and Father to the kids.

The love my family had for me, and their ability to leave me to God while I became an alcoholic in recovery and earned a place by our fireside once again. They all did this without harassing me and exhibited love all along.

Love is there, it is everywhere - - do the Aussie bit, walk-about - - - Look-About . . . .

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