2001-01-25 - 22:31 MST

January 25, 2001

A Look Around

Another visit to that clinic for Heather today, took quite awhile. It did show that there are areas that can't be causing her troubles. Big deal, huh ? Still her pain and discomfort continue. I hope they find out what is causing her troubles before they run out of tests to do. Ticks me off and makes me feel guilty that I am not expert enough to diagnose and cure her.

Had a bite to eat at Boston Market, 1/4 of a chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, broccoli and carrots with a small loaf of cornbread. It was remarkably good.

Then a gas stop, pharmacy at the East Clinic to pick up her prescription, go by the credit union and home.

I had some business to transact over the telephone, you know how I love to do that. Telephone Roulette, the user the loser ! Ate time like crazy to little result.

I was thinking about "points of view," and realizing that often it depends on my altitude from where I am viewing as to what conclusion appears to be the right and proper one.

It came to me that my attitude was right and sane some of the time. Other times my review of the situation forced me to refigure and apologize if any one had been hurt previously. This radical line of philosphy went against my early education which said that, "Little boys cry, but big boys and men never do." I feel a bit silly walking out from a performance with tears drizzling down and dripping from my beard --- yet it indicates to me that I am a human with human feelings - unisex. I have cried over real life situations affecting those I love, but yet trying to do what I could along with it. One other tenet was pushed at me by inference, "Men just don't say, "I am sorry."" And by implication, "Men never stop and ask for directions, even when they have passed the same policeman three or four times."

There have been times when my first impression of a person turns out to be 180 degrees from what they actually are. Reminds me of something my mother once said of one of my fifth grade chums, "He's a good looker, but a bad actor." She also said, "You cannot determine the contents by the container." She had written something in one of her teen age books that was homespun but truthful, "Man is like a sausage, rather thin as to the skin, covering the hog that is within." Damn, she was smart -- but loving and kind too.

I have had my share of do better letters and suffered an unwilling attitude adjustment at times, but retroactively the realization that I had been wrong, awakened me and set my course on a better path. It made me happy that some one cared enough to bring this guy upshort and caused him to look around a bit and then head in the right direction.

It takes an effort to walk, dragging my guts in the gravel to some one and sincerly say, "I'm really sorry." It comes as hard to me as it probably does to other men. Effort, caring, sweat and diplomacy are not born in man at least as far as I can see. I think it has to be taught and cause the one learning to go to great lengths to learn those lessons. It cannot be handed to someone in a pretty, little, fancy bag and like the lady in the Kibbles and Bits says to her dog, "There you go," as the dog bites her hand off.

I learned that something I earned or earned the money for was something I treasured, cherished and took good care that it wasn't lost or broken."

I do wonder a bit if that isn't one of the problems niggling society nowadays, I don't see how a child's actions can be blamed on TV or books when it is really the fact that the parents are very remiss in teaching the kids right from wrong. My Gosh, I read at an early age Edgar Allen Poe's stuff, read all the stories of cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, pirates and plunder and the buckets of blood. In my imagination I took part in all of things but had no desire to copy them in real life and I don't think that kids of my day were any different than me, we had been taught the right and wrong of things and knew the dreaded punishment for immoral, illegal and hurtful actions would be applied in the manner that Dad threatened. I got some spankings as a kid, was pissed off while rubbing a sore bum --- but I knew I damn well deserved it. Nowadays a parent dare not raise a hand to his kid, he risks going to jail causing his family to lose his income and being in dire straits. Damned if you do and condemned if you don't. I am glad that my child raising days are over. My kids knew that if they went over the line their chastisement would be physical, stinging but not bruising. Our girls were never spanked, the youngest boy several times, the oldest boy was calling his mother down and talking terribly to her as I came into the kitchen and heard him. He got cold cocked, I regretted it, but knew that drastic and sudden discipline was needed. In later life he thanked me for it and had the same attitude toward it as I had as a kid. So they weren't constantly paddled, but knew that was a option that Heather and I had.

As the kids grew and matured their limits were broadened, they knew that if they went too far it would be back to the old fence line they hated.

I was never proud of spanking any of the kids, I hated for things to go that far. I have seen how ineffective "time outs" are for most kids now, especially if they are sent to their room for a while -- Gee Whiz, their treasured toys are in their room -- what good is a time out in a case like that ?

Periodically I have to change the altitude from which I form my "Points of View," to try to gain understanding of what is going on. I have been known to change my mind after, A Look Around . . . . . .

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