2000-11-28 - 06:34 MST

November 28, 2000 for Nov. 27

Out Of Sorts

That is a phrase that my seniors used to come up with, that I don't hear very often now. It expresses I think a feeling of wrongness that could not be pinpointed exactly. Something that did not denote illness and not quite enough to classify as deep depression. It might indicate that for this moment any way -- the world just doesn't fit, like maybe an ill fitting shoe or clothing that binds or otherwise is uncomfortable.

I am remiss in that I did not make an entry yesterday -- my preamble gives, not an excuse, but an explantion to myself just why I couldn't do it. Perhaps I will make another entry tonight -- hopefully of a more cheerful nature.

It is so disgusting and disheartening to an old man, reaching for words that won't pop up like they used to, words that would express the exact meaning -- and coming up empty handed, at least for this man it is. My automatic, mental dictionary is malfunctioning (wearing out ?) again. It is like trying to walk with my ankles bound. Frustrating to have to find a detour around the roadblock.

Yesterday I was suffering, for want of a better word, Welt-schmerz. Part of it I think is my utter dismay that our presidential Hoo-ha has turned out to be such a disgusting display on all sides of downright disregard of all that should be.

I cannot place myself in a judges seat neither can I assume the Lord's prerogative of judging, all that I can say is these are my feelings and opinions. Maybe that is why I am at odds with myself, my country and my world about most things now.

A little child's feelings when witnessing wrong doing by peers and saying, "You can't do that !" only to find out that they did do that, and by golly they got away with it, might illustrate my feelings about the whole putrid mess.

The ills of the world fostered and promulgated by the powers that be in the world today which keeps many people starving, homeless, beat down, fearful and tortured sometimes almost overpowers me. Another thing that really bothers me is the apathy of many of the peons such as me, who wait until it is too late to do anything to prevent the ravening machines from taking yet more rights away from us. Then when it is too late, complaining bitterly.

"Nuff said I guess, and the term for my state of being is, Out Of Sorts . . . . . . .

Blog