2000-11-03 - 17:43 MST

November 3, 2000

Inventory

Looking back a few months, when I started this diary. My aims were to let out the words screaming out in me to get on paper (net) and privately roll over like a losing dog and expose my tender underbelly to the web world and new lands of thought, and a voyage of discovery of self.

The first I have accomplished and hope that my present output is better than the my first, feeble efforts. There have been such a great many things about doing a diary that are positive, there are responsive listeners to my blather, among them the people I consider as mentors. I have gently been nudged into a housebreaking mode -- the wear and tear on newspapers was too much. I am meeting people who have the same outlook as I do on many things. I also find that on the web most of the people who have a different slant one thing or another than I do -- it seems to be a matter of, "I don't think as you do on that particular subject -- but there are many other things we do, so let's talk about them." One blessing of having an online diary is that, I set my own schedule and also set the time of entry. The readers also have the prerogative of doing the same -- no rigid path to follow. I have met and e-mailed with so very many people, became acquainted with many and friends with some. Cyber space is a unique country, peopled with millions I guess, but there is no living elbow-to-elbow or over and under each other, we each have our forty acres with an electronic mule to run as we see fit. We are free to say what we think without fear of Big Brother squashing us like bugs -- at least right now -- until the radical Blue Noses force legislation through making us put out thoughts through their sieve and march stiffly to their drums. Freedom of speech, you bet, but I do not believe in a captive audience. I feel that people should read and listen to what they want to and be free of pop quizzes. Am I happy with my diary ? Yes. Can I make it better ? I hope so. Am I going to change the world ? Hah -- I should be so ambitious or conceited. So, I am happy to diary-ate to my hearts content.

The slow, stumbling often off the track journey of self discovery is the hummer. Often two steps forward and one step back, if I am lucky. I know that through all this I have gone from being an agnostic to being a believer and am learning how to pray. I think that I am not as opinionated as I was, and tend to give the other guy as much slack as he needs. I am getting more patient and listen to the whole opinion of the other, then thinking about it and then maybe venturing a reply, respectfully.

I think better of myself than before, less bashful and more laid back. I have learned to accept others views and enjoy the sights, to hear their considered opinion and see the value of it.

Any more than that and I probably would be blowing smoke and stretching other peoples beliefs.

In the overall picture it seems that this is a good Inventory !

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