Sept. 12, 2005 - 21:34 MDT

WHAT IF ?

Now and then the affairs and worries of the world dim in my sight when something personal and unexpected comes up. Then, even though all I can do is weather the storm and hope for the best, the world around me is out of focus pretty much.

Of course I have family and friends that I am in touch with -- yet needs must I face what is ahead of me on my own. My fate anyway.

So, yesterday I found myself bleeding from a point that will require a colonoscopy (to be a little delicate about it). The bleeding to all intents and purposes stopped last night, however I felt ill, not in great pain, just ill and very weak.

First thing this morning I did was call in for a doctor's appointment. Next thing was to let family and friends know what is up. Then Heather took me in to see the doctor who asked many questions, did a quick exam, sent me down to get a blood count and later called me and told me that the count was okay and to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. Friday at ten AM it will be.

Some years ago a similar thing happened and two colonoscopies were performed. First one the scene was too bloody for them to see anything. The second one that they could not find a thing wrong. They finally decided that it was something they called arterio-venous dysplasia. A thing that can happen occasionally and cause bleeding, sealing itself off in a bit and business as normal from thereon.

It can be a serious ailment though, possibly from cancer, only the colonoscopy can tell if something serious is wrong.

Adopting the Alfred E. Newman "What me worry ?" type of activity I press on taking life as it comes and enjoying the company my dear wife Heather and the support and encouragement of family and friends. Thankful that they really care about me and my welfare.

So, feeling secure in the love of family and friends I prepare to go to bed tonight and rest easy, hopefully continuing for the next few days and getting a thumbs up on Friday or Monday.

Lingering though is the gibbering, shaking, panic inducing cave man, not really grown up at all. Thinking, yeah, but WHAT IF ? . . . . . . . . .

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