2000-10-16 - 18:53 MDT

October 16, 2000

Trails End

Three years and one month plus eleven days since our auto accident. That trail we were following ended today when we finally made it to the blacktop leading downhill to town. This afternoon we were able to go to my credit union and pay off the car loan and my Line Of Credit. The car loan was due to the fact that our wrecked Saturn was a 1993, and the one we got a 1996 -- even so it was a good buy, our little Saturn SL is a hummer. The Line Of Credit was something taken out about the time I got out of hospital to take care of the extras necessitated by the accident, not covered by the insurance company. So this trail was no dead end but an 'on ramp' to smoother riding.

Now, if the damn nightmares would just stop to where I don't have to live through it over and over, I will be in Cool City.

The time we were broadsided in Tampa in 1951 caused similar nightmares and I still have an occasional one. My conscious mind has accepted the facts, but my Freudish subconscious is still hashing it out. I am taking my anti-depressant medication and remember enough about the counselling I received prior to that being prescribed -- that I know keeping on an even keel during the day and evening, the nightmares come on their own and disappear when I jump up out of bed with the "fight or flight" adrenaline filling my arteries with instant energy, calm down and realize is is past. If the stupid thing tries to haunt me at night I crawl back in the sack and tie the top till morning. Ya' ever tried that ? Petty neat trick if you can do it -- much harder to do than crawling into a hole and pulling it in after yourself because you have the neck of the sack to hold while you fumble for the twine and attempt to do the impossible from the inside. When I awake in the morning, my first thought is that it is over and all is okay.

Heather and I are two very happy people who feel a bit more secure now and will be able to pay the next raise in rent !

The rant that I inadvertently dumped last night will probably be done for the next entry probably with less vitriol and more connectedness. But I don't know what awaits us at this ranting, raving Trails End . . . . . .

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