2000-10-02 - 23:15 MDT

October 2, 2000

A Spate of Time

A journaler asked me today, "How did you break your neck." I think she picked up on a passing remark of mine and had not heard the straight skinny.

After I went into detail and sent my answer as to "how." I began to think of all the "after" things.

Being pulled out of the car through the broken out windshield in considerable pain (I do think that shock numbed it a lot), placed on a back board with my head supported - right and left - and taken over the rather bumpy road to the hospital.

After I had frantically tried to find out about Heather's state and eventually found out she was being checked over at another emergency vehicle and was moving on her own I began to discover that I hurt more as time went on.

At the hospital I was checked over thoroughly by the doctors taken to the airport near Rock Springs, Wyoming and flown to Centennial airport and thence by chopper to Denver Health Medical Center.

The pain was heating up a lot more. From that time on for a few days I can only relate what others told me. The doctors had installed a halo to keep my head and neck totally still and being attached to a stiff jacket under my armpits kept my head from turning. After release from the hospital in the course of time that one slipped painfully out of position and a trip back to hospital happened where that halo was removed, after the doctors huddled they told me they were going to put a new halo on me with the pins in a different position. I asked to see one of the pins that would be contacting my skull (there were four) and I saw that the end came to a sharp point I asked what kind of drill would be used to make a place for the pin and was told a drill would not be used, but that the pins would be screwed in using a torque measuring device, using no anesthetic. Thats what they did, and it hurt. Now, back to September 5 and on. In a fog I can remember becoming somewhat aware and noticing my children were there, all of them, even the daughter who lives in Oregon. Without going into total panic my beclouded mind said to itself, "Man, I really must be in deep doo-doo.

It got foggy again, I can remember pushing the nurse's call button and when answered I would tell them I was hurting, soon they would bring me something, some times it was too soon for what they had me on, but would give me something else to tide me over.

In hospital it was a slow process of gradually getting up and learning how to move around with the halo on my head. Not too long after that they gave me a cane and walked me down to the dining area and served my food to me. Shortly thereafter I would spend time in physical therapy, doing prescribed exercises including lengthening the distance walked each time. During this time still being extremely sore across the back and shoulders, I noticed that I did not have much use of my left arm. I had a decent grip, but other movement was difficult.

Heather was with me each day except for going to eat. That supporting jacket, which was lined with sheepskin was roasting me alive -- although it was a very necessary thing.

My pain medication was very well managed and helped a lot, I was still taking a muscle relaxer when I came home, but had gone down to Tylenol for pain -- which dulled it a little bit.

My worst time was after Heather left to go home, then I would lay there trying to scope out and think out the possible futures, wondering if I would be able to return home and be an active person ever again. I didn't go into clinical depression but the nights were bad.

The physical therapy went on, the constant checkups and tests went on for months after I came home. There were the daily visits from a physical therapist. Later I continued my therapy by doing the prescribed exercises on my own. The checkups and tests continued. The tests were interesting, at least those done by the neuro doctor which consisted of administering little electrical shocks at various points along my entire arm and wrists and later on by inserting needles into the muscle. It was similar to acupuncture and quite painless and quite interesting watching them tracing out the nerves and trying to determine exactly which muscles in my back and shoulder were affected.The weakness and inability to work with my left arm came from the broken neck of course, and the program was to train and exercise the muscles in the shoulder, arm and wrist fighting atrophy there.

For long months after coming home, I was still wondering what place I would fill in the home. But eventually became able to do most of what I could do before the accident and picked up a few of the inside duties that Heather had been handling alone. At that time my mood became more elevated in that I was taking part in living. I still hav pain in the neck, pain I hadn't had before the accident, but when it gets bad Tylenol helps ease it a little. Considering though that I could have ended up a paraplegic I do feel fortunate that I can do most of the required personal things for myself and help around the apartment too.

Up until the time the doctors discharged me, Heather mother henned me, I do believe she would have breathed for me as well, on my return home she did everything for me and catered to me -- veritibly she spoiled me something fierce. There were at least two visits to doctors back at hospital every week -- one of which required me to be sitting in the waiting room at 8:00 AM, jeepers and shoot, usually about eight in the morning my eyes are beginning to crack open just a little and Heather is not as early birdy as when she was when young.

I didn't drive until long after I was discharged, mainly to keep Heather's mind at ease. Heather truly is an angel of mercy and love and spent almost every waking moment helping me one way or another. After the physical therapist discharged me Heather would take the daily walks with me, very patiently at a slow pace keeping up a flow of pleasant conversation as we went.

If I loved her before, multiply that by ten million -- that is the situation now.

There are only two bad things about the whole deal, The nightmares, living in my dreams the accident over and over again and riding in a car which used to be enjoyable for me both as driver or passenger, now is total mental torture. The nightmares, still as severe are not as frequent. After a trip through heavy traffic I do a bunch of coffee -- doesn't calm my nerves but substitutes for smoking a pack of cigaretts when under stress. Yeah, the afternoon of September 5, 1997 was the last nicotine of any kind I have had, so that silver lining in my cloud is stained with years of smoke. Here I am today, able to do all the motions I need to do, still exercising some of the muscle groups, including maintaining range of movement on everything including my neck.

Bastion old buddy I listened to your history of all that, but did you have to write about it ? Yeah, I did, I am still trying to mentally heal myself and this writing helped . . . .but Lordy it has been a spate of time . . . . .

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