2000-08-29 - 21:56 MDT

August 29, 2000

Mirror

Tonight I must step back a few steps to enable me to get a clear display of myself, not the out of focus, moodistic, inflated picture but just a look at the stats more or less

It has been a long time since I did the writing suggested by the AA Big Book -- and in there I had to be brutally honest with myself and write and write, in the end I made a list of the people harmed by me in some way or another and then crossed off those who had died or disappeared. I then had to go out and try to make amends with those remaining. In most cases I was graciously forgiven. There were a few who wanted to stay mad forever, so be it.

So tonight I will help myself tot up some of the blessings bestowed upon me by a power higher than myself.

This will sort of ramble about rather than being sorted in the order of importance. I am not comfortable with the 1 2 3 listing outlines so will do a scratch accounting.

I was born, I was born to a Mother whose love was as deep as the deepest trench in the ocean, I had a Father who loved me and who busted his buns at work to give us all he could. I was born with the urgent need to give love to all who were fair to me, Mom and Dad especially. It seems to me even now that I was born with a knowledge of what was right and what was wrong and had a resentment of unfair activities against anyone. I was born in a free country, The United States of America. My health although not perfect was much better than a huge majority of the world's kids. I was born with the ability to cogitate and think things through to my benefit. I was born with the curiosity to find things out -- the whys and wherefores of things. I was born to try and experiment and learn things for myself. I was born to test my own limits and how far I dared risk my physical welfare. Not a 'fraidy cat or much of a responder to "dares."

In spite of all those blessings there lurked a rebellion in me against authority and the restriction of regular living styles. I might have done well in school but for missing the entire fourth grade and having the calamity of being put in the grade with the kids I had started school with. I did well with the exception of Math and Enlish both of which harried me through school till the time I quit to go to work. So like many humans, I failed miserably to take advantage and learn all I could. Not knowing that all life is a process of schooling of one kind or another.

One of my blessings was a decent Judaic / Christian work ethic. that sort of thing made all the sense in the world to me. If you want a fire -- you gotta chop wood.

My greatest blessing of my adult life was meeting, courting and finally marrying the most wonderful woman for me in the world. The next greatest blessing is our great family of children who we coached into adulthood. We were both additionally blessed in being able to recover from a variety of ailments that beset us.

My recovery from alcoholism, although worked at diligently by me couldn't have happened without a higher power strengthening me. My acceptance by my wife when she realized that I was truly an "alcoholic in recovery."

There have been so many blessings showered on me that it boggles my mind to even think about drawing the underline and putting the total down -- if I did I probably wouldn't believe it. One of the great blessings bestowed on me is the fact that every day I live it is on "Gravy Time," and is treasured as such. I should have been dead and pushing up daisies years ago the way I abused my body. I am thankful, Oh Lord I am thankful

I am to tired to look further and am sure there is much more for me to see, in the mirror.

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