Jun. 20, 2005 - 20:25 MDT

AN UNCAST STONE

This article ran in this morning's Rocky Mountain News. I am not familiar with Betsy Hart but admire to the max what she has to say -- her article in full:

A marriage ends, but hope dawns each day.

"It's that time of year for wonderful wedding celebrations. In many ways I think that this June, after 17 years of marriage myself, I am more committed than ever to the sacredness and significance of marriage, something I've written about so many times. So then this June finds me living a terrible irony: I'm passionate about the importance of marriage, but my husband has, sadly, ended our marriage and I will soon be divorced."

"Dear readers, it's because my committment to marriage, and to my husband and our children, was all real that I worked hard to save my family, and to help my husband want to stay within its folds, for his sake as well as ours. I loved him. I believed we were close, and that I was loved and faithfully cherished in return."

"But I was wrong. So, when he finally left, my shock and grief were total. Yet, I know the children and I will be OK."

"I fully believe that God is soverign in this, and is even (somehow) using these terrible events for his own honor and the ultimate well-being of my children and me."

"Already I have been able to do a wholesome thing for my children, and move my four little ones and me from Virginia to a suburb of Chicago, my home, where we have been surrounded and supported by many friends and my large family. WE hae started a new life in a little town whith people with big hearts. I'm thankful that the children are doing well -- and that I have begun to find peace and even joy."

"I didn't always think that would be possible. In the wake of my discoveries there were times when my pain and anger were overwhelming to me. But through this terrible ordeal, I've also come to see more than ever that sin is powerful -- and blinding. And in turn , this has convinced me that my husband chose to leave his family not because he could see clearly, but precisely because he couldn't."

"Such thinking is at odds with today's "divorce culture," which seems to consistently paint marriage break-ups as at some level rational, not wrenching and destructive (which is why it has to deny that there are so many innocent victims of divorce). In contrast, having the understanding that I do I can have genuine compassion for my husband -- compassion which is completely compatible with my approppriate anger over what he has done."

"Surely, there are folks who will say, "Ha ! There they go again, people like Betsy Hart, thinking marriage is so important, and her marriage is great, and this was never going to happen to her . . . ." Well, yeah. Guilty as charged. I did think those things. My enjoyment of my marriage, my committment to it and to our children, and my love for my husband, were all real. And so I end where I started: Everything I ever said about the significance and sacredness of marriage -- and yes, the tragedy of divorce -- is true. Now it's just more tangible to me."

"Sadly, the prevailing divorce culture does not seem to consider divorce a profoundly destructive thing. And I don't just mean for the individuals involved, especially the children. I mean for our culture as a whole."

"Yet I also know that my own tragedy does not have to define me, or my children. I don't know what the future holds. but I do know that God's mercies are new every morning, and so even now I can look forward to every new morning with increasing joy and hope in the future."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tragedy in one form or another visits each of us at its own time in its own guise. How brave this lady is to write about her meeting with tragedy. And tragedy it is. The effects on her are permanent, the effects on her children are also permanent, most them irreversible, much of their faith and philosophy of life will be affected for the worse. The effects of marriage, as far as I can see, stay with a person as long as he or she lives -- divorce or not. The kids are still his, whether he owns up to them or gives a damn about them, he still is their father. The children's feelings about him and what they are and those feelings will probably stay the same for all time.

It is ironic in its sad way that the article should run today.

See, sixty-two years ago today, Heather and I became husband and wife. Today was a very low key celebration for the two of us. Not the blind leading the blind, but rather the halt leading the crippled. We had nice things to eat, I gingerly helped Heather into the car, drove to the store and post office and by a back way home avoided most of the rush hour traffic and Milady got out of the house. Got home, helped Heather in and I put the groceries away. Then I went out and took the cover off the cushions on our new swing and we spent time feeling the stray zephyrs wind about our ankles as we held hands and remembered the good things we have and have had.

We didn't think of nor dream of lingering on the bad times we went through. Those things come with the territory for everyone. But those good things ? Those in particular belong to us, they are ours forever.

I stand in thought and in my hand is AN UNCAST STONE . . . . . . . . .

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