Jun. 15, 2005 - 22:03 MDT

DOWN TO THE PERSONAL

I get all churned up at times over the state of our union. Not much I can do about it, but fret and spew, which I do, I do, I do, too.

Today we finished all the tasks that Heather felt had to be done before her surgery tomorrow AM.

The house is clean, cupboards clean and neatly arranged, a huge stock pot of vegetable soup is in the fridge. Laundry caught up.

All done in preparation for right shoulder and arm in a sling for a month.

She dropped me off at Radio Shack while she shopped the super market on her last sweep. I went in and told the man that I needed something wireless that would give me a loud noise and would reach from one bedroom to another. Bingo ! A very noisy wireless door chime was proudly displayed. Bought it and wouldn't tell Heather how much I paid for it. Brought it home and put it together, tested it and was happy. Tonight it is hanging by a cord from her bedpost and in the morning she will bell the cat and wake this old dude up.

I have always worried about communications with her if she were ill. Me being deaf in one ear and of course, sleeping on the ear that is responsive to sound makes it difficult for any one to contact me. This little marvel will do the job, it'll blow the stuffings out of my pillow I think.

All the times she has nursed me in my various ailments and recoveries she reverted to her "early motherhood" phase and woke up if she thought I might need her. Several times I cracked an eye open a bit and saw her standing by my bed. She didn't have an axe or a ball bat in her hand either. After a moment she would quietly leave my bedside. That's a hard act to follow, but I'm going to try.

Worry ? Who, me worry ? Yep, I am doing just that, shouldn't -- but I am. The surgery is not major, arthroscopic surgery on the rotator cuff of her right shoulder and reattachment of the bicep on that arm.

I worry because of her age, because of the weird way her body reacts to anesthetic and pain medications, it's just one of those things that a person would rather go through themselves than to see a loved one endure.

She will spend a night or two with our daughter, who will glory in taking care of her Momma and try to spoil her rotten. I hope she does.

So when Heather decides she is ready to come home, I'll be here, on deck, ready to do my best.

She will have her shoulder and arm in a sling for a month, and I expect she will get antsy before long. I shall have to figure a way to keep her amused or enraged at me, or something.

As long as I am punching keys my mind is diverted a bit from worry.

Just thinking a bit, sometimes I wish I could be bi-polar instead of just being a plain old depressive. I need a bit of manic to give me a bit of a high now and then.

It is painful to me to see people undergo illness, privation, slavery and abuse. But when it comes to a loved one it gets DOWN TO THE PERSONAL . . . . . . . . .

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