Feb. 13, 2005 - 16:34 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Too Much Sense ?

Good to see articles like this. One by Ruben Navarrette Jr. of the San Diego Union-Tribune in today's The Denver Post / Rocky Mountain News. In full:

Giving kids the tools to be adults

"I recently asked a handful of community college instructors if they could identify the No. 1 problem they encounter with the students they teach."

"I've asked this question of other college and univrsity professors before, and the answers I get back are usually academic: not enough preparation in high school, too much reliance on remedial courses, poor writing skills or a tendency to avoid classes that require lots of reading."

"Not so this tilme. Academic concerns have been replaced by personal ones, the kind that can't be fixed with private tutors and more homework. Without hesitation, the professors agreed, the biggest problem with young people today is that they lack a sense of purpose.

And, the professors insisted, this might have something to do with the fact that these kids don't lack for much else.

"You see, the community college is in an affluent suburb of Dallas."

"Many of these kids have every thing one professor said. They live in 4,000 square foot homes, and they drive to school in Hummers and BMWs. Their parents have given them every advantage in life. And so these kids can't seem to get excited about the future, their career path, or their place in the world."

"I relayed that story to Dr. Mel Levine, nationally renowned pediatrician, learning specialist and best-selling author. He wasn't the least bit surprised. In fact, he has just written a book on the subject of young people struggling with what he calls "work-life unreadiness." According to Levine, that's when a young person can't decide what to do with his life. He gets stuck between the stages of adolescense and adulthood. Often, he returns home to live with his parents and relies on them to support him. These kids have no sense of responsibility and they feel no sense of urgency about the demands of life."

"This is the audience at whom Levine's book is aimed, and he gave it a title that doubles as a warning for these late starters: "Ready Or Not, Here Life Comes." Levine says he got the idea from watching parents and teachers who come to him for help. There are, he says, questions they all seem to have but are afraid to ask."

"Such as: Is this child going to make it in life ? What will their futures hold ? Looking for answers Levine went out and interviewed twenty-somethings. He found that many of them seemed quite happy spinning their wheels, that they often have trouble grasping the concept of long-term planning or paying one's dues, and that they are hooked on instant greatilfication. They are marrying later, changing jobs more often -- and putting off being a grown-up as long as possible. Of course, they can't put it off forever."

"These young people are headed for a rude awakening."

"I know what you are thinking -- that there have always been young people who fit that profile. In my generation of Xers, they were called "late bloomers." In my parents day, it was said that these kids were taking a few years to "find themselves." Don't kid yourself, says Levine. He insists that what our society is facing today is a whole new ballgame. The stage of school-to-career unreadiness lasts longer than it used to, he says, and it affects a larger percentage of the population."

"Its much more common than it was in the past," Levine told me. "Its always been there, but its really an epidemic at this point." So what's a parent to do ? Levine offers these tips: "Talk to your kids about the future, before they reach adolescence: teach them about goals and how to work toward them; promote delayed gratification; give them tasks to manage; teach them about responsibility, and help them identify what they feel passionate about as early as possible. Instead of over-scheduling them, keep an eye out for the one thing they seem to be especially good at and have a desire to do. AND THEN, WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT, encourage them to do it."

"Sounds like good advice. After all, what good does it do to give your kids everything -- except the tools to become an adult ?"

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My thoughts and opinions pretty well follow Mr. Navarette's. One thing that sticks out to me is in the last part of his article. It has appeared to me for a long time that parents are overscheduling their children in activities, which might be good and therapeutic, but when put bumper to bumper with other activities, I think, tend to constipate their individualism. Some of my most valuable times as a kid were the times I was free to do as I wished and was expected to be civilized enough to not goof up. A lot of that time was spent at the library, because I wanted to go there - not because I was forced to go.

So, although a kids time is chock full of play dates, school activities and other time filling things it seems to me they are given no chance to become true individuals -- nor to be able to think about becoming an adult.

My last high school year was spent at a public high school where the dross of the private schools ended up. Kids who had unimaginable amounts of money, who had been everywhere, and done everything they wished, legal or illegal. Kids whose parents were never home -- sometimes out of the country. Kids who received attention and money from the housekeeper and were fed by cooks and maids. Even at my young age I felt they had nothing, really. They were sure a pain in the gazeeta.

Leading and encouraging young ones to actually THINK, use their brains to consider their future and how to fit themselves to accomplish what they truly want to do, seems to me to be the duty of parents.

Then, thinking back, most of us kids had it put to us this way, "If you get into college, we will help and your place in the house will be kept open. On the other hand if you aren't going to college you will need to go to work and after a decent time find an apartment and become an adult. ("Grow up," is what they said.) Marriage and family was acknowleged to be a possibility on the youngster's screen, hopefully after he or she thoughtfully considered it and accepted the responsibility -- but the option was left up to the young person.

TANSTAAFL is an acronym I ran into in a science fiction story once. Turns out it stands for There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. In this day and age perhaps parents should consider telling the progeny, "When school is out, you go to work and TANSTAAFR --- which translates into There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Ride.

The man has some good points. Wonder if people will clue in and listen, or does what he have to say make Too Much Sense ? . . . . . . . . .

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