Dec. 04, 2004 - 19:56 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Haul To The Maul

In the early part of this day I was helping Heather hunt up some of her precious things to put in and around the Christmas tree, taking boxes down from the shelves, etc., and congratulating myself on the fact that younger family had already put up and decorated our tree. and thinking about counting pills to see what prescription pills I had to have refilled to last till we got back.

While we were having coffee Heather mentioned she had to go to Park Meadows Mall to pick up something daughter asked her to bring. I sipped on my coffee and said, "Uh-huh." We talked of other things a bit, every now and then she would mention needing to go to the Mall.

Being one of the majority of the men who hates beyond all despising shopping in any form and knowing that Heather is well acquainted with my traits I felt these references to the Mall were purely conversational.

Then this afternoon the nitty hit the gritty, "We better get going, get to the mall and get back before dark." "Hey Heather, you got a mouse in your pocket ? "We" gotta go to the mall ?"

Now Park Meadows Mall is clear to heck and gone catty-wampus across the whole Denver Metro-area. Saturday in December, zoo time at all malls, full parking lots and cars nose to tail everywhere in that vicinty.

Very sweetly Heather said, "I just can't go all the way across town to the mall, I need your company." SO what can any red-blooded husband do but ask, "Are you sure you know the way over there, what store you are going to ?" and all that stuff that must be peculiar to the male of the species to ask. Being reassured that the way was known, where the store was and the implication that only a man would be a clod enough to ask. Dead silence from this quarter.

I became clothed, combed and shod, filled the Helios and my water bottle and then sat down to wait until Heather finalized whatever was taking up her time then. We left, threaded our way through the traffic.

On the way out I-25 she said, "I am not sure whether we get off at Arapahoe Road or Orchard." Heart sinking into my shoes I quietly remarked, "You know exactly where you are going ?" She replied in a slightly worried tone, "I know exactly where I am going, just not too sure how to get there."

The hum of our tires and passing traffic, Heather saying, "Orchard doesn't look like the turn off." tires humming and traffic zipping by. Later, "Arapahoe doesn't look right either." Continued tire humming and traffic zipping by. I remarked, "County Line Road is next and after that comes Castle Rock and Colorado Springs." She said, "Oh, it can't be that far," and she zipped off on County Line Road.

I had never been to Park Meadows Mall, but had somewhat of an idea of the size of it. In my mind it seemed possibly a bit smaller than The Mall Of The Americas somewhere up in ? Minnesota ? Where people trek in and are never heard from again.

My mind was not prepared for what my eyes saw, darn thing is bigger than a medium sized town with curving streets going everywhich way, huge stores, selling most anything a person could imagine and some things no one had ever thought of.

"Okay Heather, now you are at Park Meadows Mall, what is the place you are going to ?" "I'm not sure, but it is The Container Store I think, something like that."

It seemed to me that we went on each twisty, turny street in both directions at least twice and on a trip down a lane we had traversed several times Heather said, "There it is !" Sure enough, there it was. Then she said, "But it isn't where it is supposed to be." Double take, Doug did it again, shook his head shaggy hair flyng in all directions - that which did not get spun off his balding head. He said, "Well, why not go in and see if they have what you want, even if it isn't where it is supposed to be ?" I was being snooted a bit as she pulled in and parked.

Thinking she could find her way back to the car with no trouble she said, "You stay here and work your crossword puzzle, I won't be long, only have two things to get." I managed to get the sun over my shoulder and prepared for a long wait. But I was surprised, I had only worked four puzzles and here she came back to the car.

She was glowing, had found what daughter wanted and was bursting with news, "The lady in the store told me how to get out of here without struggling to get on I-25 again." I-25 was zooish enough on the trip out and getting a gander at it going by out there then it was worse when we were leaving. So we wiggled and wandered and found our way west and went to a north/south street way west of where we started and turned north, after miles and miles we came to the main east/west road and once again headed west. A bunch more of miles we came to the north/south artery that goes by our duplex, then more miles we came to that turn-off and passed it. Heather said, "I must mail some cards so we have to go to the postoffice." On the way there she said, "Oooo we didn't eat lunch, how does Wendy's sound ?" I like their chili and cheese-burgers, and a Wendy's is across the street more or less from the post office, so she got a huge, "OKAY," from me.

As we came from the post office, cars began to turn their headlights on, and I did throw my jacket over my shoulders going in to Wendy's.

You know what made it all worthwhile to this old Bah Humbug Scrooge ? When Heather took hold of my hand in Wendy's and lovingly said, "Thanks honey for coming with me today, it meant so much to me." Womanly wiles will do it all the while.

So ends my epic Haul To The Maul . . . . . . .

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