2000-07-04 - 20:17 MDT

July 4, 2000 - - pyrotechnics

Factors

Sometimes a guy can understand the way he turned out, why he is what he is and what determined the course run. And sometimes it is in the mist of mystery.

As I keep repeating, I was an only child who craved siblings to the max. It was not to be, due to Mom's inability to carry another child. That was not explained to me and made me feel that brothers and sisters were denied me because of me.

The few relatives we had were across town, their kids some of who were my age, went to different schools, were on different schedules, so essentially I was the Lone Stranger in my neighborhood with my own battles to solve by fight or flight - - - sometimes both. Making it hard also was the fact that Mom and Dad both had to work day jobs. Being alone and with chores to do messed up my play time with other kids. I managed to keep up some friendships even so, which were dear to me.

These things I can understand the whys and wherefores and the necessities for them. But then comes the ratiocination on the, What Ifs ?. We moved from the only home I ever knew from the time I had comprehension to when I was about sixteen. The home that was comfortable and dear to me and the surroundings and neighbors familiar also were known and I was easy with them. I knew the places to go for enterainment and recreation.

What if our move had come between elementary school and junior high school - - - or between junior high and high school. Which, if done at the right time would have given me a little time in the summer to become acquainted around the neighborhood and find a friend or two before school started instead of going cold turkey onto a speeding train going I knew not where. How much difference would it have made to me ?

It did seem that the transition was made at the right time, about two months prior to the start of school and each of our children making the step up to a new level - elementary to middle school, middle school to hight school. By the time they started school they had at least formed aquaintances and were failrly stable in that respect.

Seemed to be much better to me for it to be that way. But yet there are the children who are raised to a move every year or two - - the family following from military base to military base. Those kids have known constant moves from babyhood and they light happily running.

Circumstances over which we have no control seem to be a huge factor in forming our character and lives, and there doesn't seem to be a hard and fast rule of what to do at what age - - - it all depends on the parents and the child. It is a know fact - - - at least I think so - - - that each one of us is a very unique, one of a kind of a person. The needs of each are different and at different times. And then, how we each deal with the cards dealt us has a lot to do with the grown person we become.

I was very fortunate amongst the children of the depression, Mother and Dad both kept working we had to eke out and make do with what we had or could get. But other kids I knew were in families where their family lost their livelihoods, their homes and a great part of their possessions and had to move to a relatives farm in another state and another climate. And I knew just how fortunate I was, but that didn't make it tasteful by any means.

So I moved through time in my own slow fashion, stumbling occasionally, but ever forward. Looking back I can understand quite a bit of how I became who I am, but not necessarily why I reacted to the various stimuli as I did.

The only owner's manual for humanity is the one belonging to the entity we call God. We have the supplement containing things we can understand and use. The struggle for understanding continues as long as the lifelong process of education, which does take a life time.

My opportunity, as a man retired, with the children raised and raising their own families, is a chance for me to educate my self additionally which is for one thing, trying to reach the understanding of my simple little bit of the Universe and what my feelings and conduct should be while here. One thing I have realized is that I can explain myself to myself to a certain extent but I dare not agitate and try to tell others what they should do, think or feel. I do have a right to express in words my feelings and I think that is as far as I should go. - - - -Wimp, Bastion ? Naaah, I will protect my wife and my home, my children and friends to the death - - - it is just that I don't try to do to other people things I have rebelled against and resisted as an impositon on my right to feel as I wish by others who think they know better. I try to not be intolerant and bigoted but also know that, "mea culpa." Here - - this is an attempt to put a link here for some one to reach: http://frol.diaryland.com

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