Dec. 18, 2003 - 19:00 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

I Wonder ?

At age 82, in sorting through the treasures of my memory, every thing seems so clearcut and sharp, but at times I wonder. The hurtful things I know are there, but in a separate file in a locked drawer. Once in a while I have to root out the key to that drawer and sift through the bad stuff. Not on a whim though but for some kind of necessity.

Some day I must go through my entries about my memories and check on the veracity of them. I know that some of my memories have been mentioned more than once but looked at from different angles. But aside from that I need to see if any of the entries are conflicting and which is the real skinny. Make a quick check and see if maybe I have slipped into senility.

Most of what memories I have written out have been from the point of view of how things looked to me at my age at the time. From time to time adult thoughts have been included, in a looking back sort of way.

Now I am at the age where a person's short term memory can get a bit spotty. For instance it is hard for me to remember one of our great grand daughter's name, I always come up with Schuyler (which is the name of the daughter of Rob of "Durn Tootin." I give up and whisper to Heather, "What is her name again ?" Once again she whispers, "It is Shelby." What a dumkopf . . . .

What did I have for dinner two days ago ? Damfino ! What day of the week is it ? I look in today's newspaper. What is my name ? I pull out my billfold and look at my driver's license - I know it is me because my picture is on it.

Some times I puzzle over it. Have I been transported to the place where I once lived as a child ? Gets a little mixed up trying to talk about it. All those terrible, horrible news articles I think I have seen in the newspapers, are they just delirious nightmares ? If I go back to childhood and grow up again, will I be in a better world ? I Wonder ? . . . . . . . .

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