2000-01-24 - 21:53:08

saw something at brittly today that stirred me a bit as that is basically where i am, stupidly feeling young at 78 years of age.

i'm probably paraphrasing a bit but, here it is, "i know i am all of these things, but some days i still don't know who this person i am actually is !

puts it in a basket with a pretty bow on the handle. thinking back to childhood, i can remember how i liked pictures, comics (colored), illustrations, pictures drawn for childrens books.

i would sit and look at them by the hour, and will myself to be in that picture. why ? well, because everything was precisely drawn, everything was neat. there were no ambiguities, no guessing, yet it was about people. no dirt and cigarette butts, candy wrappers in the gutters, very seldom did something look worn unless it was part of the story line. it all looked fresh washed and dried.

in our real life the world looks raggedy, with it's toe sticking out of a sock, 4 day whiskers, blurred and fuzzy. in reality we don't know by looking just who the villian is and that villiany sometimes is only a part of a person's character and possibly the overall goodness of their character makes us willing to overlook minor peccadillos.

i have sinned or as you would wish it i did some bad, stupid things, things i have regretted over and over again. i went back and tried to make amends, but some of the people had been dead a long time. and the live ones ? took a lot of my kickass guts to face them and own up to my own guilt and my knowlege of it.

the stock show is in town, and guess what they are having sales on, in the big stores ? every thing a farmer or rancher needs in the way of being shod and clad. also included at the geegaws to take the eyes of out of towners. sales, about half of the merchandise at twice the price.

we have had for many years a store noted for extremely high prices and when they have a sale, the price comes down to about what you would pay at j c pennys regular price. stockshow sale time ? ha, ha, ha in a pigs you know what.

there are bargains out there, but they can be found only diligently comparison shopping and keeping in mind what the normal prices are. demanding work that only a woman, working or not, married or not, mother or not has the patience and stick-to-it-ivness to get the real bargains. the store i just mentioned usually has about four full pages just inside of the front page touting their so called bargains. yunno what, a lot of damn fools shop there. i can remember some time in the forties when by having a strike at that store by the sales people it became known that the spiffily dressed sales staff were required to dress well on disgustingly feeble wages. the strike lasted about a year and finally died an unnatural death because people still crossed the picket lines to shop as if the pickets weren't there. the sweet customers really didn't give a damn. i was just coming into my majority and i remember wondering, is this how the adult world assaults people ?

as i grew older it became more and more evident to me that if you wanted to be on top, for the most part you had to jettison your consience to avoid that particular dragging anchor. and we live in the most fortunate of countries. i read of the most recent countrie we tried to help, somalia, how all food and goods to be distributed to the poor and starving people were taken from the defenseless ones. i think a few people in somalia became rich.

did we help any one ? how about the foodstuff rotted on the beach or on the docks because nobody arranged a method of transportation and the few trucks showing up a goodly number of them went to the warlords compounds.

u.s. uncle sucker

Blog