Sept. 16, 2003 - 20:36 MDT

THE WONDERING JEW

A Choice

When in a contemplative mood sometimes in the evening strange things come to my mind. Heather's brother recently died and was under Hospice care for his last days. It occurred to me and so I googled Hospice Care and found a world of information, but I am asking myself a hypothetical question tonight. At what point in my life would I seek the care of a hospice ?

Of course, a lot would depend on the ailment, diagnosis and prognosis of whatever might ail me, I know.

Then there would be the financial end of things. Convinced that I had an incurable ailment that would cause me to die in the near future (? Month, year, years ?) and considering the possibility Hospice care could give me a decent quality of life. Would I instead want numerous surgeries, emergency procedures and other radical things people often undergo who will die soon ? While being in pain and discomfort those final times would prolong the clock time of life and maybe even the calendar time, would I consider Hospice care instead ?

Would I want to be under the care of a doctor or doctors who are afraid to prescribe pain relief because of the posibility that I would become addicted ?

Would I want to be in the position that my Dad was in his last days ? He suffered several strokes, his wife died, he had cataract surgery on one eye (before the time when the plastic lens was inserted during surgery), could no longer walk on his own and was the captive of a wheel chair from morning 'til bedtime. Couldn't see well enough to read, couldn't see well enough to watch TV and his care givers (Heather and I) just could not give him the time we felt we should, we were raising our last child, Heather had been ill herself and I was going to tech school and later working a job. I wonder, if offered the opportunity to go under Hospice care, would he have made that choice ?

I remember all too well his last months, me trying twice a day to exercise his limbs in an attempt to maintain a range of motion for him as he would become quite contorted through the night. Finally he was in contractures, that hurt him terribly. I remember the fact that he no longer enjoyed two way conversation, just sat in his wheel chair from the time I put him in it in the morning until bedtime, sitting in his wheel chair at table and accepting help to eat.

I think Hospice care has made great strides in our country in recent years. The idea of keeping someone as comfortable as possible in their last days is an idea foreign to us, or at least was. It used to be that all procedures were made in an attempt to keep the ailing person alive, not considering whether or not he or she might have a goodly number of years to live comfortably on recovery, just keeping a person alive for a few more hours, minutes, whatever.

It is a personal question for me, would I or wouldn't I ? I am one of the folks who are old enough to have to cope with ailments, COPD, carrying oxygen, arrythmia, degenerative arthritis of the spine of many years standing and all the complications thereof. But through having to cope with pain with only Tylenol to ease things, somehow I seem to have raised my pain threshold. I still have a great quality of life, many things I am interested in, family who will get one on one with me so that I can hear and converse adequately. I still mill around in the supermarkets or Mallwart. So for now, I am making it, happily. Of course I have had to give ground, cut back many activities etc. but that comes with getting old anyhow, I think.

I have two lady cousins, one will be ninety in a few days and the other not too far from that. The oldest is semi-ambulant having a motorized scooter type vehicle and living with a granddaughter. The younger one is recovering from a hip joint replacement, I might say quite well. She rode the train from Oxford, Nebraska to Denver on her own. Her granddaughter got her on the train and her brother met her here in Denver. She is using a walker and looking forward to using a cane soon. Heather and I accompanied her and her brother to lunch today. Indomitable those ladies are.

I guess if I went blind and ill or became bedridden and my life obviously shortened, a Hospice might be an attractive option for me. Then too, I think maybe the desire to ease up the life of those loved ones who would be taking care of me would point me thus.

I just don't know and can't see where I would ask for it, but, "Circumstances alter cases," as the old wise men used to say. I am so glad though that there is Hospice care and that those near the end have A Choice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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