Sept. 08, 2003 - 20:03 MDT

THE WONDERING JEW

He Is Gone

I feel so totally helpless. Heather's brother died this afternoon. There is so little that I can do to ease her sorrow. Just to be by her side and understand her feelings, converse when she wishes. To do the leg work she asks for.

Of course I feel the loss. He and I are the same age and both of us worked with our hands and minds, at different places, same efforts though. He had been at sea in the Navy when Heather and I met. He came home on leave a time or two, after the war he married on the West coast and brought his bride home to Denver to settle in, buy a house, work a job and raise a family.

We didn't live in each other's pockets, but all of us were at Heather's Mom's Sunday gatherings while Mom still lived, the tradition was strong and enjoyed by us all. We watched our kids play together and grow through the childhood ages. There were ten years of missed companionship while Heather, the kids and I lived in Florida, but we tried to make up for lost time as best we could when we returned to Denver.

For a couple of years before his wife died they would come visit with us once a week, it did her good to get away from her home and he and I would do the usual male stuff, most of the time it was he and I on the patio and Heather and his wife at the table inside. Bad weather though we were all on the inside and kept the party going. After she died Heather's brother was in and out of hospital and at his home when not there. Heather and I visited him frequently, did a few things that needed done, took him to the store and out to eat as well as just plain visiting him at his home.

I think we did about as much as we were capable of, what with Heather's sister in terminal Alzheimer's and her sister's husband in a wheel chair in the same nursing home. Also our youngest son underwent a course of radiation for cancer of the larynx the last few months. Heather and our middle daughter have been taking cooked stuff over there and trying to clean house and things like that. Then our oldest daughter is in an assisted living home and Heather and I try to take her out to her beloved McDonald's on Sundays and to a nearby park during the nice weather. When the weather is bad we bring her to our apartment for a time.

For my own part I guess all I can say is that I am so glad that we could be with all of our folks and love them while they live and tearfully bid them goodbye when they pass on.

I don't think I am tracking too well tonight and am trying to be a presence near Heather to talk with her when she needs to, give her appropriate pats and hugs and just listen. It is a fact of life, a sad fact of life that each of us will die. That doesn't make the parting easy at all. Heather's brother, Frank, He Is Gone . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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