Aug. 05, 2003 - 20:05 MDT

THE WONDERING JEW

Augustly Silly

When I am out in the sun too long my mind begins to bubble like the tar on a sun hot road. Seeking the shade of a tree and a cool breeze, taking a break I gazed into my navel. Suddenly it turned inside out revealing my innards. Eugh !

I shook my head and really strove to think a bit. Even if I were famous and proficient at the difficult things of the world there is no way I could write my own auto-biography, absolutely none. You see, I am a different person now than I was at age six or sixty six. In fact a different person than I was five minutes ago.

My idea is that in my walk along life's pathways, with each step taken ahead I am forced to choose which fork to take. Such a twisted and devious way to go, recognizing wrong moves after the fact and trying to get back to who I was a bit ago. Can't see how I can be the same person that I was a few forks ago. My ideals are pretty much the same I think but the realities of life change my outlook and understanding. A changling am I -- mind that is. It doesn't have to be always fixed like two boards glued together and changing my mind is my prerogative.

Maybe the wisest words I have ever read are the ones making up the Serenity Prayer - and prayer it is. It keeps me from trying to unscrew the inscrutable and make the possible changes I can. Grandma used to tell me to, "Learn patience, you'll need it." Learning it a bit early sure helped me when confronted with cranky bosses and trying to raise five kids.

There are times though that I am like a baby boy in the bathtub, absently playing with itself and wondering why the world is completely coming unglued and wondering, "What did I do to cause all this smoke and flames ?" But other than right now I usually try to keep my tongue disengaged while my mind idles and idling it is tonight. (idling ? What is that ? A baby Id ?) Freud, Freud where art thou when I need your advice ?

But I enjoy thinking different thoughts about different things, stacking them up like a crazy structure of Legos (tm) and when asked, "What is that you have built ?" Answering, "Darned if I know," and knocking the whole thing over and finding something new to do.

Looking into a mental mirror and saying, "Is that me ? Is that the real me ? Or maybe the me of next year ?

I guess one could say that right in season, I am Augustly Silly . . . . . . . . . .

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