Feb. 15, 2003 - 19:01 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Not To Worry

Heather was a bit draggy this morning, not quite the usual thing for her. Later on she related that while she was doing housework that she realized she was more or less running on automatic and not sure what she had been doing for a short time. She said that a sense of unreality took over.

Although she seemed to have regained her equanimity we decided that we should take her in to urgent care. This being Saturday of course and no way to get into the clinic to see one of our doctors there.

I can't complain of the treatment she got and the attention that was paid her when she talked. After they were sure she wasn't in any immediate danger, she was weighed, blood pressure and temp taken. Bloods were drawn, staff did an ekg and she was taken for a CAT scan.

After the doctor had a chance to see the results, he came in and said that the only thing he noted was some irregular spikes in her ekg and that he wanted her in the hospital, at least for overnight observation.

It was getting on toward dusk when they decided to move her two blocks away to the hospital, Heather took a look at me and said words to the effect, "I'll be alright and will call you when I get settled in a room. I want you to be home before dark and the first thing when you get there is that I want you to eat." She is ever the prime care taker of our family, that is what makes me uncomfortable leaving her for even one second.

Both of us try to keep from driving after dark. We can do it when required but prefer not to. The thought of her driving home after dark puts me in a minor panic when she is just a tiny bit late.

So when the ambulance attendants came to get her ready to take her over to hospital I left and drove home. It was against every principle and thought I ever had, to drive away and not stay with her. Yet I knew that I absolutely had to keep her from unnecessary stress and worry, fretting about me driving the three or four miles home in the dark.

I sat near the phone doing the equivalent of nail biting until she called giving me her room number and telling me she was resting comfortably. Then I did what I think every mate and parent hates to do, call our kids and let them know that their Mom is in the hospital under observation for overnight. It is hard to break the news. Our daughter in Oregon took a little time to accept the fact that her Mom would probably be home tomorrow by checkout time at the hospital. I suggested strongly that she should not fly home immediately as she did when we were in that horrible auto accident in 1997.

It was hard for me to talk to our kids and calm them when I am not so very calm myself. She is my wife, my life and the feeling of deserting her is trying to seep through the cracks in my so called composure. I am sitting here trying to put all things in perspective. Us compared to the world and its troubles. Right now "us" is more present in my mind than any other thing.

I respect the doctor who attended her, his manner, the questions he asked, ordering the tests to be made, I think Heather is in good hands. Just before he left the room he said, Not To Worry . . . . . . . . . . .

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