Feb. 08, 2003 - 23:18 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Unfolding

The hour is late, less than an hour 'til midnight and I am comfortably tired. Heather is asleep and things are quiet here. I toss a stone of thought in the placid pool of my life and watch the ripples gradually ebb back into quiet and calm.

Once, although more dependent than I realized, there was just me, Mom and Dad were just there to do the things I wanted. Fairly early on I was disabused of that line of thought. I became aware of love and companionship. The learning that love was a giving thing took me a while to comprehend, but how grand it was to give of myself to Mom or Dad.

That is, I think, where my deep desire to have more family close to me began. An aunt, uncle and some cousins were the only relatives we had in town and aunt was feuding with my Mom a good part of the time, so visits were few. My desire for a brother or sister of any age was burning in my soul and was not to be extinguished when I found that Mom could have no more children. Couldn't talk them into adopting a baby, those things were seldom done back then.

Of course I had some good friends in school, but they weren't family. Later in life I learned just how far behind an only kid is in social development compared to one with brothers and sisters. Brothers and sisters couldn't fight with each other and run home to safety but had to learn to get along with each other for one thing.

Life went on as did I, sometimes the light of learning was lit by a good teacher, but that kind were few and far between in my experience.

I quit school a half grade short of graduating high school and went to work I found new friends on the job, rules at home relaxed as I grew up, no real curfew just needing to come in quietly.

Then came the marvel of meeting, wooing and marrying Heather. Now there was someone in my life to love and be loved by, someone to care for, provide for and be accountable to. How totally joyful I was to finally reach a place where we could be our own family, Heather and I. We didn't sever ties with our own families, kept in touch and visited. But at night, it was Heather and I, in our home who were the real family to each other. Nothing else could come close.

Then came the big suprise. The wife of my friend helped Heather more or less learn the facts of wifely living, called Heather one day and said something to the effect of, "You know the suppositories we are using ? They don't work, I'm pregnant." While we were in the process of finding out what to do 'we' got pregnant.

Jeepers, I had a cousin who had a couple of toddlers, but had not even seen her when she was in the process as she lived a state away. At first sight I fell in love with her babies and became a little acquainted with babyhood.

My, what a learning experience it was for the both of us. Both sides of the family caught up in the excitement and began building layettes. Heather's Dad built a little chest of drawers for the baby yet to be (It is still in our family somewhere). Visits to the gyno/pediatrician were done as should be.

Being a father, a good one, seemed to be an insurmountable thing. I wasn't sure it was possible for me to do the right things at the right time. But my friend who already had two kids guided my unsteady mind toward the direction I should be going and steadied my course. Somehow I got used to feeling the baby moving in Heather's abdomen and understood that I would soon be a real life Father.

So with little ado the 3rd was born. I was the junior and the 3rd, poor child would go through life with the same name as I. There is a warmth that comes to my heart as I remember his life in all its stages, even unto today. I learned how to be a Dad with him and got better at it as we went along.

We had just one child for four years, long enough to perfect ourselves in parenthood as much as we could.

Then came my awakening to life for sure. We had a girl baby, someone that I could coo over and cuddle while trying to enter her personality through her beautiful blue eyes. Such a delicate baby, feminine as a only a little girl baby can be. As with her brother I would stand beside her crib after she was asleep and observe a work in progress. Not my work, oh no, her work in becoming at a much later date a grown up lady. I got myself in trouble with this little lady. I was working second shift and when I got home at night she would begin to stir in her crib. I had been the route with son and pretty well knew the ropes. So I would change her, her bedding, warm her bottle and sit with her in the rocking chair while she took it and then burped her and put her back in her crib. Yet today I remember that time as a precious thing for me. The only trouble was that I was put on days and Heather would either have to go through that whole routine or put up with the fuss of a baby who felt suddenly sadly deprived.

We had about a year to get back in practice and the third baby came along, another girl. Daddy here had an embarassment of riches. Two baby girls for me to be a Daddy to, meanwhile leading a boy into boyhood. How proud it made me and how deeply being a Father affected me. We were a family, a family, my heart sang a tune of love and beauty.

Then a little over a year later came number four baby. A boy. With two girls and a boy so close together in age the washing machine wore out quickly, we couldn't afford a diaper service and Pampers or whatever hadn't been invented yet. So I learned how to take care of changing babies with one hand while taking care of dirty diapers along with the other.

I didn't really notice it at the time, but maturity crept up on me and into me. Time moved on as its wont, our children grew as did Heather and I. She and I learning how to do the things parents needed to do. Our children had a happy childhood even though Heather and I coped with the problems of supply and survival as we went along.

I never really felt that I had graduated into full fatherhood, didn't have the time for the ceremonies but nevertheless I was a full fledged father or at least as much as any man can be.

A new stage of life came to us twelve years later, the third girl baby made her appearance. Heather and I found that we had help deluxe. The boys doted on her and took care of her, the girls perfected themselves in the bathing her and doing her didy changing and also took part in playing with and amusing her as the boys did.

We were seven and still are seven although our nuclear family has become an extended one as our children mated and moved to establish their own homes and families. Heather and I had sets of inlaws to become acquainted with, learning as we went.

Then our children had children and Heather and I slipped into the grandparental mode, which was easy for us. Spoil them and then send them home with their parents. Hee, hee, we did our share of baby sitting now and then. Ocasionally a grandchild would sleep over at our place and some amusement would happen for that one.

Time went on and our grandchildren are having children of their own. Great Grandma and Great Grandpa have loads of fun visiting them and having them over to visit us. It still thrills me to the max to cuddle, coddle and caress the little ones. To see the intelligence growing in their heads, to see them become themselves, begin to communicate, each a unique person.

Of course there have been rough spots along the way, doesn't everyone go through some of those things ? I think going through the rough spots are what lets me apreciate the family we have.

Now before my eyes still is my life Unfolding . . . . . . . . . .

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