Nov. 20, 2002 - 21:58 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Inventory

I once had a boss, a man with a whim of steel. A genius he was, but a bit kooky. He owned the business, but every purchase order had to cross his desk to be checked and signed by him. He hired high priced engineers, load them with responsibilites but giving them absolutely no authority. They took the blame for whatever he was ticked off about. He had other foibles too, when he was working at the remote site he would shed clothes and just wearing boondocker shoes go charging through the cacti and 'what ever' brush.

So, why not me too ? I believe that inventing weird stuff would be a neat thing to do. Like a "Party Pooper Scooper," for formal occasions - black body, white handles. For the office a "Pooper Stuffer," with a remote control, would help control some of those potty mouths, no ?

Along with inventing stuff, which will take a lot of my talent of course, I plan on buying and putting on the market unique inventions. Maybe a roto-rooter for Swiss cheese ? If not invented, guess I can handle it. Les'see, a multi-purpose roto-rooter with different attachments - large and small for any kitchen use, even the yucky stuff.

For the office an automatic Spell Checking, copying machine that will correct mistakes in English and spelling too. Man that should sell. An industrial strength telephone head set that would change boring talk into sweet music and a lighter model for home use. The homey one would have the added doorstop feature too.

A stuffed dog for office or home use. Get pissed, kick the dog. Think that might be a best seller. On that, there will be an April Fool model, the same outer covering, but solid steel innerds (Innerds ? spell check that).

How about a sneeze machine with a small remote for the pocket ? When the Bore comes around a premature sneeze or two might change his course. Especially if the user is also a good actor with a large handkerchief. A gargle machine to keep the rest room clear, sound operated when the door starts to open the machine will make gargle sounds, the faint hearted will give you your privacy without a whimper.

Then the secret threat, a small machine in your stall that is entrance operated that makes fecal eructation sounds, loud ones. Gonna be a best seller that one.

Working on a scheme to make office paperwork self destruct in a short time, that'll give the computer typers and word processors something to do. To go with that, a video to sell to the workers on finger exercises to gain speed.

Well, into the workshop to start bulding up an Inventory . . . . . . . .

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