Oct. 21, 2002 - 18:15 MDT

THE WONDERING JEW

No Set Course

Somewhere in my teen years I began to look forward to finding the perfect lady to spend the rest of my life with. I found her finally and she overlooked my imperfections and we married. Things went along quite well, and then suddenly we were pregnant. We handled that quite well, Heather the trooper that she is bore up under that hugely protruding tummy and all the aches and pains a pregnant women undergoes. I will have to admit it was a number of months of fingernail biting for me. I worried about her and I worried about being a good father and being able to earn enough to take care of a child. I should have been worrying about us.

Our score, five children. Each child is well loved, a delight to our hearts and souls and each child is completely different from the siblings. That is something I am truly happy about. We didn't hem them in and force them into a mold but allowed them to develop as they wanted and needed to. Heather and I tried to back them up in the things they wanted to do and I think we did fairly well.

But Heather and I wandered and stumbled through the fields of parenthood. Often desperately seeking some sense in the actions, thoughts and character of our children -- especially as they hit their teenage.

So, today it was heart warming to see that not only Heather and I had been through raising puzzling children, or should I say that Heather and I were puzzled. We did the best we could and often felt that we just didn't come up to snuff in our kids eyes. We knew we were doing the best we could.

Then today I ran into a journal written by a person I respect highly. Under The Microscope is her journal Any Takers Out There ?

Also one written by Clarence in the same vein Life With Kelli

Which showed me that maybe all good parents suffer greatly through their children's teenage years. Things they have mentioned, Heather and I have been through, five times yet, already, so there too !

It seems to me that those who become parents travel through uncharted territory when their children become teeners. There is so much difference in their actions and thoughts at different times that no Doctor Spock could write a book covering any thing a teen age child might come up with, one time or another.

We did find a few things that helped. One of us sleeping on a hair trigger while the other one would deeply sleep, switching roles frequently. Heather was the veteran who could hear a baby rustle and be at the crib before a whimper was exhaled. We learned and relearned each time to to back each other up - firmly. We found out that their delicate palate would be satisfied if they didn't have to buy and cook their delicious, wonderful meals, they learned to eat what was put on table. Even with our beloved last child, a girl, I learned the process of clamping my mouth shut and refraining from making comments or barfing when by the time she was ready to go to school her floor was ankle deep in clothing, tried on and cast off by her as not quite what she wanted to wear that day. She would clean up her act after school, hanging up clothes and putting stuff in drawers.

Outright, defiant rebellion surged at times. Heather and I felt that we did not deserve those hot headed actions and words. I guess that maybe I could understand the mental fort they were shooting from, having been quite the same as a teenage boy. The girls in Heather's family did not, DID NOT DARE to voice an angry word or perform a rebellious action, so she would be more upset, hurt and puzzled than I. In other matters Heather would intercede in the children's behalf when I had discipline in mind. Still it was a heart wrenching time as each child reached that stage of growth.

We lived through it, our kids are married and have kids of their own and three of them are grandparents now. The gray hairs have been joined by the naturally aged ones and the battle scars have healed. Clarence and Ellen's entries reminded me how it was back then for us. Tears, both shed and unshed have been remembered today.

And of course Ellen and Clarence will survive to see children and grandchildren of their own some day. There were pangs of old hurts and problems as I read their entries though.

There is no University Of Child Raising that I know of. It seems to me that rich and poor are at about the same level when it comes to knowing how to raise children. I think that being a parent is an education that has No Set Course . . . . . . .

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